Toxic masculinity and how Counselling can help

Toxic masculinity is a term that often invokes discomfort, defensiveness, or confusion. But at its core, it's not an attack on men but it can be a call to examine harmful cultural expectations that can lead men to suppress their emotions, dominate others, and measure their worth by power or aggression, which is not positive for society as a whole.

What is Toxic masculinity?

These expectations aren’t innate, they’re learned. From an early age, many boys are told to "man up," "boys don’t cry," or that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness, all negative influences. Over time, these messages can manifest in destructive ways, including emotional suppression, difficulty forming healthy relationships, or even violence.

Toxic masculinity isn’t just harmful to others; it deeply harms the men themselves. When men feel unable to express fear, sadness, or pain, those emotions don’t disappear.  These emotions can be internalised or expressed in anger or withdrawal. This not only impacts mental health but also contributes to isolation, depression, and anxiety.

So how can counselling help?

1. A Safe Space for Emotional Exploration Counselling offers a confidential, judgment-free space for men to explore their emotions — many for the first time. Talking openly with a trained professional can help men begin to understand their emotional world, recognise patterns of harmful behaviour, and learn healthy ways to cope and communicate and work on the anger they are feeling. 

2. Challenging Limiting Beliefs Through therapy, men can start identifying the beliefs they’ve formed about what it means to be a “real man.” A counsellor helps challenge these ideas — not to strip away identity, but to rebuild it in a way that allows for emotional depth, vulnerability, and self-compassion, which should be key values for us all.

3. Developing Healthier Relationships Many men struggling with toxic masculinity find that their relationships suffer — whether romantic, familial, or social. Counselling can support men in learning better communication skills, managing conflict, and building more authentic, balanced connections.

4. Addressing Root Causes Toxic behaviour is often rooted in trauma, neglect, or unmet emotional needs. Counselling can help uncover and heal these wounds, creating space for personal growth and positive change in men. 

5. Redefining Masculinity Finally, therapy encourages men to redefine masculinity on their own terms. Strength doesn’t have to mean silence. Power doesn’t require control. Through self-awareness and emotional honesty, men can become healthier, a more whole versions of themselves and more in touch with those around them, in a positive compassionate way. 

The truth is, healing toxic masculinity isn’t just a societal issue — it’s deeply personal. And it begins with one man at a time, choosing to look inward and do the work.

If you’re a man or you know a man,  struggling to cope with anger, disconnection, or pressure to conform to rigid ideals,  you are not broken. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Counselling isn’t a weakness, it’s a courageous step toward freedom.