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How can we love ourselves if we don’t like ourselves?

Summer is approaching and it can prompt us all to think about our lives and how we feel about ourselves and how we love ourselves. Confidence is a key part of self-love and loving yourself. When your confidence is low, it can be hard to move forward and feel good about who you are when your confidence is low. There are few steps you can take to help with your confidence that you can try alone or as part of your therapy journey.




Don't Compare Yourself to Others

Comparison is one of the biggest enemies of self-love and completely self-defeating. Comparing ourselves to others can make us feel discouraged and not good enough. Instead, focus on your own journey and celebrate your own individual successes without worrying about how they measure up against someone else's achievements.

Remember that everyone has their own unique story and life experiences, so try not to place too much emphasis on what other people are doing.


Set Boundaries

Boundaries help us stay in control of our emotions and behaviour while showing respect for ourselves and others. This is especially important when dealing with people who don't have our best interests at heart who can overstep our own boundaries. Try to be assertive and make your boundaries clear to others to protect yourself and how you feel about yourself.


Forgive Yourself

Remember that mistakes are part of life. Everyone makes them and we all need to forgive ourselves in order to move on and grow. Instead of punishing yourself for past failures, focus on what you can learn from the experience and how it can help you move forward. Let go of any guilt or shame you may feel and make room for self-compassion, understanding, and love. Ultimately we can’t change the past, but we can learn from it.


Be Patient With Yourself

Self-love isn't something that happens overnight. It takes time to build, and it's important to be patient with yourself as you go through the process.

Above all else, believe in yourself and your ability to create positive changes in your life.


Don't Expect Others to Make You Happy

It's true that relationships with other people can be incredibly rewarding, but it's important to remember that we don't need anyone else to make us happy. We can all love ourselves completely and unconditionally. Make sure that any relationships you have in your life are based on mutual respect and unconditional love, we all deserve nothing less.


Don't Base Your Worth on Other's Opinions of You

It's easy to get caught up in the opinions of other people, but it's important to remember that their thoughts and feelings about you, don’t define how you feel about yourself. Someone’s view of you is their opinion, nothing else so if you can, try not to let it influence you too much.


Identify Your Strengths

When your self-confidence is low, it’s easy for the good things about you to be overlooked. You may overlook your strengths and focus on your weaknesses. Therefore, it’s essential to reflect on your skills, talents, and achievements.

Write them down and focus on what you’re good at. Make a point of celebrating yourself, and don't be shy to praise your accomplishments. Over time, this will inspire you and boost your self-confidence.


Practice Positive Self-Talk

The way you talk to yourself has a significant impact on your level of self-confidence. Therefore, it's essential to master the art of positive self-talk. It means replacing negative and self-defeating internal dialogue with positive affirmative statements. Try to build this into your daily routine and start the day positively.


Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is showing kindness and concern to yourself when things are not going well. Remind yourself that you are not alone in feeling inadequate or unworthy. We all have these moments of insecurity and self-doubt, and a lack of confidence does not make you any less capable or valuable.


Accept Your Flaws

Nobody is perfect, and that's the first thing you should accept. Flaws are part of us all and need to be embraced. Flaws are part of what makes us all unique. Instead of being ashamed of them, embrace them.

If you don't accept your flaws, it's easy to let them take over and affect your confidence. Understanding that nobody can carry the burden of perfection will help you become self-accepting, and this will help you love yourself for who you are.


Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is a powerful practice that can shift your focus from your weaknesses to your blessings. Take time each day to write down a few things you're grateful for in your life, such as your health, relationships, your job, etc

This simple practice can help you build a more positive mindset and a deeper sense of appreciation for all that you have.


Surround Yourself With Positivity

Surrounding yourself with positive people who support and encourage you is crucial for building your self-love and confidence. Seek out relationships that make you feel good about yourself and avoid those that bring you down or make you feel negative. Just one toxic person in our lives can affect our self-confidence and alter our mood and view of ourselves. It’s important to identify if you have any people like this in your life and think about if you still want them in your life.


Challenge Your Negative Self-Talk

When we feel low in confidence, our inner critic can become louder. We may hear negative thoughts like, "I'm not good enough" or "I'm a failure" on a regular basis. However, it's important to challenge these thoughts and ask ourselves if they're really true to help to build and maintain our self-confidence.


See a Therapist

Sometimes, self-care practices and positive affirmations aren’t enough to work through deeper issues of low self-confidence. This is where therapy can be incredibly helpful. A Therapist can help you work through any underlying issues that may be contributing to your lack of confidence and provide you with tools to improve your self-esteem and confidence. A therapist can help to talk things through and help you to analyse and think about events that may have happened in your life and reframe these events in potentially a more positive way.



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