One of my favourite phrases is ‘Comparison is the thief of Joy’ and never has this phrase been more relevant in today’s world with the enormous influence of social media on all of our lives. There are so many images on social media that portray a ‘perfect’ life that it’s hard not to be influenced by these images, especially if our own lives don’t feel like they are where they should be. Have you ever thought about why some of us pay so much attention to comparisons. I am going to explore the social conditioning behind comparisons, why it’s harmful to our well-being, the rise of this habit via social media, and ways we can focus on what truly matters: which is our own unique journey and not the journey of others.
The Origins of Comparison
It’s important to understand that the habit of comparing ourselves to others is socially conditioned, it isn’t part of human nature. From an early age, we can be conditioned to compare ourselves to others. It starts in childhood when parents make comparisons of our sporting and academic achievements. These experiences teach us to constantly compare ourselves to others and lays the groundwork for a lifetime habit of comparison, affecting how we perceive our worth and achievements as adults.
Why Comparison Is Harmful
Emotional Drain
Comparisons can drain us emotionally and can compromise someone’s mental well-being. If someone has a tendency to compare themselves to others, this can cause higher levels of depression and anxiety. This is particularly common among young adults who are still forming their identities and are more receptive to societal pressures.
Procrastination
If we find ourselves constantly measuring ourselves against others, it can result in us procrastinating and becoming more inactive. The emotional energy we use when we compare ourselves to others, could be used for more productive activities that encourage growth and personal development. Instead of scrolling through endless social media feeds filled with other people’s achievements, that time could be spent on achieving our own goals in life and not feeling sad comparing ourselves to others.
Strained Relationships
The harm caused by comparison isn’t restricted to individual mental well-being, it can also affect our external relationships. The dynamics in our relationships can become harmful when clouded by jealousy or feelings of inadequacy created by comparing ourselves to others. Over time, these feelings can build up, creating emotional barriers and resentment, which can be potentially harmful to close relationships.
Reduced Self-Worth
A frequent side-effect of comparisons can be decreased self-esteem. As you compare your life, achievements, or physical appearance to others, this can create negative internal thoughts. This inner critic can be extremely damaging, affecting confidence levels and leading people to doubt their own capabilities and worth.
The Social Media Factor
Comparisons
Social media platforms facilitate comparisons with others, perfectly. These platforms serve up an endless stream of carefully curated images and stories, making it incredibly easy to compare ourselves to the seemingly perfect lives presented. However, it’s important to remember that what’s posted online is often a distorted reality, people only show us the ‘perfect’ version of their lives.
Social Media
A number of studies have found links between social media use and increased feelings of inadequacy and elevated levels of anxiety and depression. People aren’t always able to distinguish between reality when they see images online and this can cause them to become dissatisfied with their lives.
How we can Stop Comparisons
Self-Awareness
Awareness is the first step towards meaningful change. Mindfulness techniques can be useful to recognise when you are starting to compare yourself to others. The next time you find yourself falling into the comparison trap, take a moment to pause and breathe. Ask yourself what you’re trying to achieve by comparing yourself to someone else. Acknowledge the emotions you’re feeling, and try to trace them back to their source so you can work on these emotions.
Limit Exposure
Sometimes it can be as simple as limiting your exposure to social media platforms or environments that trigger thoughts to compare yourself to others. Whether it’s a digital detox or unfollowing certain accounts, taking small steps can make a significant difference.
Gratitude
Gratitude can be a powerful antidote to comparison. By focusing on what you have, rather than what you don’t have can help to shift our mindsets, from lack to abundance. Sometimes writing down things in our life that bring us joy or that we are grateful for, can help to focus our minds on what we have in life, instead of what we don’t have. Over time, this practice can rewire your brain to focus positive thoughts over negative thoughts.
Work Toward Goals
Try shifting your focus from external validation to internal validation, which is a place we should all try to aim for. Establish personal goals and work toward achieving them. If we celebrate our own milestones and achievements, no matter how small they may seem, it can give us a positive boost. Compete with your past self, not with others. The more you concentrate on your own journey, the less room there’ll be for harmful comparisons with others.
Find Support and Community
Remember, you’re not in this alone and if you find it hard to stop comparing yourself to others, there is support available. This could be a trusted friend, a family member, or a mental health professional, who can provide constructive advice about building a stronger internal view of yourself, which will help with comparisons. Life is too short and too precious to waste it in endless comparison with others. Redirect that energy into making your own life richer, fuller, and more meaningful and stop allowing comparisons to steal joy from your life.
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